219879

Joke of the Day

"I looked at a shelf once online and now every ad is like ""SO YOU LIKE SHELVES??????"" and everywhere i go i think a shelf is following me"

"Imagine getting the girl of your dreams phone number and her first text to you she spells it ""definately"""

"What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common? Hogwarts!"

"What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism? Head."

"Little girl/boy: ""Mommy, I want to be a [PERSON I DISAGREE WITH] when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two... just don't ask me how they got in there."

"While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough."

"My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. . . My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""

"What do you call a gay man with a hard-on? Homo erectus."

"My wife of 57 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her choose one, I can't do both."