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Joke of the Day

"I hide my condoms in a box of Nyquil... ...if I use either, I'll blow a load and be asleep in 10 minutes."

"I got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like... this gun is magic!!!"

"Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn't get a date. "

"Musician Joke Q. How many female jazz vocalists does it take to perform ""Summertime""? A. Fucking all of them, apparently . . ."

"I'm working on a book for dyslexics right now. It's incredibly difficult, cause I'm doing it all in palindromes."

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future."

"Just bought some shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"What's the difference between Valve and uranium? Uranium gets to its half-life on time."

"How do you blind a woman? You put a windshield in front of her."

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."