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Joke of the Day

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future."

"What kind of cheese gives out money? Prova*loan* I just came up with that and feel pretty proud (:"

"How to capture an elephant step 1 dig a hole. step 2 fill the hole with ash. step 3 surround it with peas. step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!"

"I tried making jokes about people who don't go to the gym... ...but none of them worked out."

"My anniversary is coming up Friday is my anniversary, I'll have been married for 35 years. Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch."

"Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large just that the viola player's heads are so small."

"What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday? Throw Them A Surprise Party."

"God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden."

"Boss: ""Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?"" Me: ""The antidote?"" Boss: ""No, a nice..Wait, what?"" Me: ""Nothing"""

"We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies."