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Joke of the Day

"Had tea instead of coffee this morning & now I play a house servant in the new season of Downton Abbey."

"So a commie, a clown and a crook walk into a bar... ...no wait, they enter a presidential race."

"I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents."

"Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils. They're a massage in a bottle"

"What happens when you stick your hand into a jar of jelly beans? The black ones steal your watch and the yellow ones paint your nails."

"When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like ""You're Doing A Great Job"""

"What runs forever and never dies? An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now."

"My girlfriend just asked me.. What's an English geologist's favourite fruit? A pomegranate."

"What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!"

"Why do pirates like birthday parties? Doubloons."