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Joke of the Day

"Everyone wanted to go to Arch Strength, or Arch Dexterity, even to Arch Luck. Can't for the life of me think why noone wanted to go to Arch Wits."

"I just Tokyo drifted my shopping cart into the checkout line and now all the moms in this grocery store want to have an affair with me."

"What kind of lizard can run the mafia? The Iguanodon"

"Some people wake up in the morning & are all like ""omg I'm the luckiest person in the world"" and I wake up all like ""oh my god"""

"My inability to pronounce Spanish names makes me sad, and I'm not even Jaoquin."

"Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive."

"The three of us have never been so insulted. My little brother told me ""YOUR mom is also MY mom!"""

"Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!"

"Men are like bank accounts. Without money they won't generate much interest."

"some days you look in the mirror and all you see is a Botero painting"