219955

Joke of the Day

"How did we even waste time before Twitter?"

"You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me."

"Why is it hard to break up with a Star Trek fan? Because they are such Kling-ons."

"flames on the side of your car screams i want small children to think im badass but i want parents to know im not financially stable"

"What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay? You get a Christian Bale"

"Ayy Loam Ayy loam I soiled myself!"

"My girlfriend asked me why I was blow-drying my crotch... Apparently ""heating your dinner"" was not the response she was looking for."

"GUESS WHAT Knock knock who dere not robin williams"

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 1. It used to be the joke was ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"" Now it's: if ya drug 'er, ya fug 'er."

"Why did the cat go to the doctors? Because it wasn't feline well"