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Joke of the Day

"Did it hurt when you fell? Into the toilet, you piece of shit?"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"What's the most important part of a terrorist joke? The execution. ( )"

"My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat."

"Daddy! Daddy! I can't stop running in circles! Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

"the plot of hitman is that greg hitman is just trying to go about his day but wacky things always seem to happen when he's around!"

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor."""

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba-dum-tiss "

"My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea"

"What, me? Lazy? Don't get me started."