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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium? Atomic ache"

"Top prank: when your friend falls asleep, place his hand in a bowl of warm water so he wakes up with one regular hand & one wrinkly one."

"People always say that European Football will never make it big here in the states. But it seems like we really picked it up an ran with it."

"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."

"What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS? IsIs? Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !"

"The voice actor for The Count on Sesame Street passed away this year... I guess his number was up."

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control... I thought to myself Well, this changes everything"

"I think I just figured out the name of the modern day Thieves Guild. EA"

"Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM? He kneaded the dough"

"Spiders: Nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl."