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Joke of the Day

"The number of my farts. . . is gastronomical."

"The wife of a programmer tells him.. ""Honey, would you please go to the store and get us a watermelon for the barbeceu. If they have eggs get a dozen."" He came back with twelve watermelons."

"Why is the media making such a big deal about the olympic swimmer's period? It's a perfectly normal female body function that, according to my wife, occurs 2-3 times per month."

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"If Petrus were to get a tattoo... ...would it be called lithography?"

"Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell."

"How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb is going to need to change itself."

"When she found out he worked in technical support, it really turned her on. Then he turned her off. Then he turned her on again."

"Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing I've always been a whisk taker."

"Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news) As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to ""Whoa Dude."""