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Joke of the Day

"True Story, When I was a kid, my parents would always say ""Excuse my French"" just after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French."

Next Joke
 
"What kind of computer sings? A Dell."
"I asked my cellmate how long he's in for. He said, ""Until I ejaculate."""
"Me: are you serious? GF: yes I can't take it anymore, you're too unpredictable Me: [wearing a different shirt] what are you talking about?"
"Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying ""poop deck"" & snickering."
"If you crush a cockroach, you're a hero. If you crush a beautiful butterfly, you're a villain. Morals have aesthetic criteria."
"What's the worst cut of steak? Amazon Prime."
"You're not cool if you have to tell people you're cool. I'm looking at you, Cool Whip."
"I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies."
"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""