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Joke of the Day

"I'll do you like I do my homework... For two minutes."

"It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. ""Good luck,"" he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases."

"I treat my television in the same way that I treat my girlfriends. I abandon them and subscribe to Netflix"

"I had a chat with my ex-girlfriend last night. He's doing really well."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope."

"My husband got his hand stuck in the dishwasher. So of course I had to fire her."

"Bank manager: I'm sorry sir you can't open an account with this sort of money. They're wooden pieces! Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account."

"40 years later: - Grandpa, sing me a song of your youth. - Oppa Gangnam Style. Opp, opp, opp, opp!"

"During lunch I asked my food server which salad she preferred. She said, ""Either one! They're both amazeballs!"" I got a hamburger."

"Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too"