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Joke of the Day

"I treat my television in the same way that I treat my girlfriends. I abandon them and subscribe to Netflix"

"Q: Why is a train like a stick of gum? A: One goes choo-choo; the other goes chew-chew."

"Do one thing that scares you every day. Maybe do four things. Live in constant fear."

"With a name like ""Earl"", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding."

"Why are rosary beads so small? Because altar boys are really tight."

"A reddit admin awoke to the sound of a beeping alarm clock but pressed the snoo's button and went back to sleep"

"A G N B: That's bang out of order."

"Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions"

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head."

"A man bets his friend he can mildly irritate everyone by saying and doing nothing."