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Joke of the Day

"Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too"

"I still can't get over the news about the marathon.. Even though it happened more than 20 years ago, I'll never get used to calling it Snickers."

"making it rain (CHEETOS) in the club (my bedroom)"

"When someone tries to argue with me I'm like ""hey pal let me stop you right there"" and then physically turn them around to face someone else"

"mother-in-law (on FB): I'm tired of everyone being so condesending *wife tackles me before I can write ""you spelled 'condescending' wrong""*"

"Throwing a grenade at someone who's taking a selfie is photobombing, right?"

"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"

"Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married? It was a nice ceremony ...but the reception was amazing."

"Why are pirates good at singing? They have great hARRRmony. I'm sorry."

"""People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it."" - Executives at Coke"