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Joke of the Day

"When you're sad, no one sees your tears. When you're happy, no one sees your smile. But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares."

"Wife: ""Can you pick up milk?"" Me: *lifts gallon* ""Yeah, it's easy."" Wife: ""I mean from the store."" Me: ""I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"""

"The only way I'll leave my phone in a cab is if I leave my arm in a cab."

"Koi Fish always travel in groups of four That's because while the A Koi, the B Koi and the C Koi escape. The predator will always go after the D Koi"

"What is the difference between a Gynecologist and a Urologist ? The smell of their fingers."

"Why are Communists bad Java programmers? They don't like classes."

"""Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!"" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign."

"God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can't even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference"

"Bernie Sanders to ban Oral sex if he becomes president.... ""It's the only way I can get reddit to stop sucking my dick"" - he said."

"Why do artists never win when they play football ? They keep drawing !"