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Joke of the Day

"The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais."

"What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish? [OC] I think I'm feeling C6"

"Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?"

"My grandmothers astrological sign was Cancer. Ironic, how she died. Crushed to death by a giant crab."

"*a dripping wet Kurt Cobain stumbles out of his garage* ""OK WHO REPLACED MY GUN WITH A SUPERSOAKER"""

"I'm sorry Mr. Simmons. I really enjoy babysitting little Timmy, but I'm only 14. I need real money, not bitcoin."

"Unless there's a new app that lets you shoot people, that phone holster looks ridiculous."

"Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit."

"About to finish my second book of the day! And when I say book, I really mean magazine. And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza."

"Why don't the zebra and the lion like to play cards in the prairie? 'CAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY CHEETAHS!!!"