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Joke of the Day
"Unless there's a new app that lets you shoot people, that phone holster looks ridiculous."
Next Joke
"My girlfriend left me I came home to find her packing her things. ""I just found out you're a pedophile"", she explained. So I said, ""That's a pretty big word for a twelve year old""."
"How much force does it take for the Carolina Panthers to lose a Playoff game. One Newton"
"What Are The Two Most Important Orifices' On A Woman? The nostrils so she can breathe while she sucks your dick."
"What do you call a rhinoceros crossed with an elephant? ""el' if I know."""
"So my friend got himself a trophy wife... From the looks of it, it was a participation award."
"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"
"I was trying to think of a joke about friends... But I don't have any."
"Trump announces plan to crush China by sending Chris Christie to every Chinese buffet in the country."
"Having kids means you'll have a lot of interrupted conversa--"