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Joke of the Day

"About to finish my second book of the day! And when I say book, I really mean magazine. And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza."

"What do toilets yell when they ride roller coasters? Weeeeeeeee!!!"

"Why did the rich guy crash his car? He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends"

"When I die My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car."

"A salmon is swimming up a river. It hits a wall. Dam."

"My girlfriend told me that if I ever cheated on her, it would be worse if it was with a black girl. I told her she was wrong. It'd only be three-fifths as bad."

"What's the difference between an African American lesbian and someone flying a confederate flag? One's a black that hates dicks, the other's a dick that hates blacks."

"A gift card that only allows the user to purchase more gift cards until they finally go insane."

"My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger."

"What's the worst thing to hear during sex? ""Honey, I'm home!"""