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Joke of the Day

"Fun Fact: When your favorite football team wins, you don't win. You're just drunk on a couch screaming at a TV."

"Paid a homeless guy $1 for this: What's a pirate's favorite letter? (They will always say ""arrrrrrhh."") Nope, P, it's like arrrrrrhh without a leg."

"Time is the coin of life. Only you can determine how it will be spent."

"[breakfast table] Me: Who killed the entire box of Lucky Charms? 8: Not me 9: Not me CEREAL KILLER: Not me either"

"Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account."

"Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V? Because Dey-go-bah."

"What do you get 18 years after fucking your sister? A vote for Trump."

"What is it called when brown envelopes aren't delivered as quickly as white ones? White Mail Privilege"

"I like my coffee like how I like my women. Without a penis."

"All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty."