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Joke of the Day

"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today ... Should of put it on aloha temperature."

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking... and then I saw her face..."

"How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub."

"Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake."

"My friend David lost his ID yesterday... We just call him Dav now"

"I can't believe they legalized gay marriage. What's Next women's rights?"

"Don't beat your cock That little pecker might stand erect in spite of your firm grip and come to stick its beak in your big brown eyes."

"IMAGINE the trash talk that goes on between Oxford & Cambridge ""I say. I heard your mum once went to Wolverhampton"" ""You take that BACK SIR"""

"Probably the hardest part of being an adult is trying to come up with excuses to tell your friends about why you go to bed so early."

"Comcast's Customer Service ba dum tsss"