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Joke of the Day

"I've come to the realisation that I am a hipster. Well, that solved itself."

"Me: Would you remarry if I died? Wife: Yes. Me: What?!? Would you at least WAIT awhile? Wife: Depends. Are you dead because I killed you?"

"An oldie for the road This randomly popped into my head at work and as I started saying it, my boss finished it. *Twats* that? I *cunt* hear you. *Tits* okay. I'll *finger* it out later."

"The good thing about women who like F1 is that they like men who finish fast"

"Q: Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark? A: Their match wouldn't light."

"Why is Hitler a terrible wingman? Because he's dead"

"How many blondes does it take to change a diaper? Ask Hugh Hefner."

"What does a man eat when he cannot run off with his girlfriend? Cantaloupe"

"He'd make the best firefighter. My friend is the absolute worst at snappy comebacks I guess you could say he's flame retardant."

"Just made this up, probably not as funny as I think it is. What do you call a dozen birds making a rooster? A twelve finch cock!"