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Joke of the Day

"I was really pissed at my boyfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered he's imaginary. So I'm good."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wipe"

"I got sacked from the dodgems. I'm going to take them to court and win the case based on funfair dismissal."

"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."

"What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin? ""I don't know what?"" ""We're sure not sending you to the store!"""

"Why did god give women legs? Have you ever seen the trail a snail leaves?"

"What's the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom? A pick-pocket snatches watches."

"Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and he redistributes all of the drinks until everyone has the same amount of alcohol ..."

"There's no bigger psychopath than the guy working out at the gym in jeans."

"What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane? A premature evacuation."