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Joke of the Day

"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"

"- grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America"

"A Sleepwalking Nun What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic"

"You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ..."

"Why was the Jew afraid to eat the pizza? Because it had pork sausage toppings."

"I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports Journalism It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute."

"If sex with two other people is a threesome... and sex with 3 others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome."

"Life's like a box of chocolate, it doesn't last very long for fat people."

"""I prefer their older stuff"" -Archaeologists"

"If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? the answer isnt congress"