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Joke of the Day

"When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it's been there for years & set it free."

"What is a suicide bombers worse fear? Dying alone..."

"Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you're just like... nah"

"Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking ""Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"""

"Why isn't the Vice President running for the Democratic Nomination this year? He's Biden his time."

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"

"What do you call a huge ugly slobbering furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can't hear you."

"What did the lazy monk say? Namaste..right here"

"What are the magic words for making a spoiled asparagus edible? Impairagus Repairagus"

"Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit"