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Joke of the Day

"thought being on acid at ikea would be scary but it was fine and i told people who walked the wrong way ""there are arrows here to guide you"""

"Got a summons for jury duty. At least now I know it will be a hung jury."

"My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number."

"What is the core of Uranus called Urectum"

"There are 2 things in this world that i hate. 1. racism 2. black people"

"I walked in on my brother masturbating earlier. He completely froze. After what seemed like an eternity he managed the words ""Why the fuck are you masturbating?!"""

"How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off"

"My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references. But in the end, it doesn't even matter."

"Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!"

"How many Vietnam Vets will it take to change a ligh...nevermind, man! You wouldn't understand cuz you weren't there, man!"