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Joke of the Day

"Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit"

"Why'd the farmer win the lifetime achievement award? Because he was always out standing in his field."

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One has standards"

"Girlfriend walks into the room - Smells like someone farted in here. What an asshole"

"Adele was outside my window this morning. She said hello from the outside."

"What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !"

"/r/jokes also went private, but not the whole thing Just jokes!"

"A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies ""Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."""

"I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want"

"Iv'e never been so proud of myself.. Just completed a jigsaw puzzle in 8 days.. It said 3-4 years on the box!!"