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Joke of the Day

"Girl, do you watch football? Cuz I'll finger blast you harder than Jason Pierre Paul"

"no thanks La-Z-Boy. I like my furniture gender neutral"

"Ex-wife died in a car wreck yesterday. Didn't send flowers, thought might be weird to the family. That and didnt know other drivers address."

"I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight."

"- Your Honor, I'd like to plead insanity. - On what grounds?! - I'm married. - I'll allow it."

"I think there's a better word for underwear... ... Butt hat's none of my business."

"Colleagues who feel the need to say ""You either love me or hate me!"" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter."

"What did Donald Trump say to the thieving immigrant at the RNC? Great speech sweetheart!"

"You know what I have found always kills the mood? The noise from a rape alarm"

"Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles."