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Joke of the Day

"- Your Honor, I'd like to plead insanity. - On what grounds?! - I'm married. - I'll allow it."

"I told a little white lie... or a little black lie, because all lies matter"

"What is the longest sentence in the English language? ""I do."""

"[date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy."

"Engraved on a hypochondriac's tombstone... See, I told you I was sick."

"Most humor is funny, but, Vitreous Humor is in the eye of the beholder."

"A bank is a place that will lend you money.... if you can prove that you don't need it."

"President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, ""After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office."" And the president said, ""I know. I listened in."""

"Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ..."

"Why can't pirates finish the alphabet? because they get lost at C!"