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Joke of the Day

"If you woke up in the woods with your pants around your ankles and vaselene all over your ass, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping this weekend?"

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? Michael Phelps can finish a race."

"Me: Where's your maternity section? Her: Over there. How far along is she? Me: Her? I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her..."

"Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots."

"I'm a terrorist because i killed the joke"

"My cow won't give any milk... She is an udder failure."

"How many beans are in Irish bean soup? Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty."

"Farts are the air to my throne."

"I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!"

"How many Mizzou students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""*Whys the lightbulb got to be white?!*"""