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Joke of the Day

"They're finally making a movie about that guy who had a romantic relationship with his clock. It's about fucking time."

"2 Fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other, ""Hey who's driving this thing?"""

"It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here... ...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer."

"How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument? They went outside and exchanged blows."

"My wife tried to lecture me about ""mansplaining""... ...but, as usual, she had it all wrong."

"My girlfriend said she's like a man because she pees in the shower. I said, you're not a man until you pee in the toilet, From the shower."

"Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear."

"i didnt give that homeless guy money because his beard wasnt up to my standards. clean your act up homeless guy"

"Today is definitely a good day to be kissed but I'm going to sit inside and look at my phone because sometimes that feels like kissing too"

"Me: k well my phones gonna die so I'll ttyl Mom: But ur office is a landline? Me: oh...so it is....K well the building is on fire, sooo ttyl"