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Joke of the Day

"i didnt give that homeless guy money because his beard wasnt up to my standards. clean your act up homeless guy"

"My archaeologist friend has invited me to a party to celebrate finding an ancient man's leg. It should be quite a shin-dig."

"Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp."

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? the 14th of february the calendar will have a date."

"Didja hear about this Calcutta couple who had a little baby girl looked just like a frog? They named her Polly-wog."

"Fat joke You are so fat, your shadow died from a heart attack."

"A #colon has only two job options: become a punctuation mark, or work for an asshole."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut .."

"People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days."

"My wife deserved it... She didn't let me wank, I had to beat something!"