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Joke of the Day

"Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant."

"The heart attack when you're in bed almost sleeping, holding your phone in your hand and it suddenly vibrates."

"I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses She said ""So are you"""

"They fired a Mexican guy at work the other day, he was a really hard worker. We hope the find some Juan to replace him soon we are getting tired of working overtime."

"My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness."

"My favorite exercise at the gym is lateral neck turns, which is where I walk in, shake my head ""no,"" and leave immediately."

"Alzheimer's can't be that bad You get a chance to meet new people every day."

"What does the torch represent in the hand of the Statue of Liberty? The torch is a symbol of her inability to read in the dark."

"Why couldn't the dwarves renew their lease on the Lonely Mountain? It failed the Smaug test."

"A man visits the doctor. The doctor says to the man: ""I'm really sorry, but I have to tell you you got AIDS and alzheimers disease."" To which the man answers: ""Phew, Im just glad it's not AIDS..."""