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Joke of the Day
"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.."
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"PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like."
"I went to the doctor and said, ""My penis is burning."" He said, ""That means someone is talking about it."" - Garry Shandling. RIP."
"If you ever take a bus and you don't stare out the window and pretend you're escaping your abusive mother, you're doing it all wrong."
"I wish I could illegally download better health care insurance."
"Best/Worst Pick-Up Line ""My dick just died... Can I bury it in your ass?"""
"[phone rings in 1984] ""Eric get the phone"" Hello? ""Tell em I'm not home."" She's not home. ""Ask who it is."" My mom wants to know who this is."
"[me trying to do magic] Is this your card? ""No"" Is THIS your card? ""Not even close"" What about THIS? ""Trent thats literally a piece of ham"""
"Swimming Is Good For You... Especially if you are drowning."
"How many Australians have been killed by Ebola? Just one, Phillip Hughes"