217686

Joke of the Day

"[i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911"

"Why did the arena get hot after the game? All of the fans left"

"UK /r/jokesters, tell me the most British joke you can think of. The less my American brain can comprehend it, the better!"

"Why is it awful to be an egg? You only get laid once, it takes three minutes to get hard, and you come in a box with eleven others."

"I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Sarah McLachlan. Will I murder you? Will I adopt a puppy with you? You don't know."

"Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two wongs don't make a white."

"Where do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream"

"Girls are like dead babies... There's several in my basement"

"(to kid at lemonade stand) i ain't buying shit until i find you on yelp"

"I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake."