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Joke of the Day

"Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got to choose first"

"How cute would it be if park rangers had tiny handcuffs for raccoons that steal campers' food?"

"Why did the hipster wear a sweatshirt on the sweltering summer day? She wears sweatshirts before it is cool! (Cue rim shot)"

"Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii? ""Aloha Ackbar"" doesn't go over well at the airport"

"Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture."

"Did you hear about the genetic study on diarrhea? They say it runs in your genes."

"I just told the girl I've been seeing for 2 years how I've felt about her. she's a bitch"

"I told my boyfriend yesterday, ""You do look a little Downsy, if I squint."" ""...Or if you squint."""

"You say the punch line first. Whats the best way to ruin a joke?"

"What do you get when you kiss a bird? Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!"