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Joke of the Day

"How cute would it be if park rangers had tiny handcuffs for raccoons that steal campers' food?"

"Q: What do you call the hair of a centaur? A: Humane."

"I hit Jesus with a water balloon and he said it hurt. So I told him to walk it off..."

"Aims at the heels, but hits the nose. What is it? A fart."

"There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think."

"Where do you store your wine? In the cabernet"

"It's too bad u can't safely fill babies with helium. How cute would that be to look up and see hundreds of floating, chubby, happy, babies."

"The main reason I'm single is because every woman I date tries to hoard the red skittles & I'm not cool with that shit."

"What does the broken clock do when it gets hungry? It goes back four seconds!"

"Sure, I'd love to Skype with you. Just hold on a sec while I brush my hair and undergo various cosmetic surgery procedures."