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Joke of the Day

"ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends."

"Anyone else feeling solipsistic? No-one?"

"Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Moby Dick? Moby is just named Dick but Trump is an actual dick."

"About Lily Probably a repost but I don't care: Why did Lily fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lily."

"Did you hear the one about the guy with no ears? Neither did he."

"Make the little things count....... teach mathematics to midgets"

"What did the mods say when they found me giving Reddit gold to my alt account? He who smelt it, dealt it."

"There Once Was A Poet Named Bates His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line."

"Why do girls have to get periods? Why can't Mother Nature just text us and be all like ""yo bitch, you ain't pregnant. Catch ya next month homegirl""."