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Joke of the Day

"When you're fast enough to be at two spots at the same time. *Fat"

"I'm not flirting. I'm just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive. "

"Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color? So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week."

"We've been over this. I DO NOT WANT A PDF OF YOUR MENU."

"I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators... All I wanted was to complete the circle of life."

"Daisy who? Knock knock Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN"

"I wasn't going to buy Thrift Shop on iTunes... But it was .99 cents!"

"Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay Sounds suuuuuuper fun if you don't happen to know what either of they things are."

"I was going to make a joke about pepper but it was too insalting."

"why shouldn't you fart in church? you'd have to sit in your own pew."