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Joke of the Day

"A giraffe walks into a bar... ...and says, ""Ok boys, high balls are on me."""

"People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it"

"One liner. I have a cold. The stuff that's coming out of my nose could turn turtles into ninjas."

"What did the dick say to the balls? You two wait outside."

"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, as my basement is still dark"

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails? A: Because when his term is through he won't be going to school."

"I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there."

"What do you call someone who gets high fast? A speed weeder."

"Your mama so classless... She could be a Marxist utopia."

"I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter."