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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails? A: Because when his term is through he won't be going to school."

"I just found out that the reptile I had sex with last night had an STD Now I have a dino-sore"

"(calling) 'Hey Boss, what's the difference between work and your daughter?' 'I'm not coming into work today'"

"I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it."

"WTF!!!!!!!!!!! A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi."

"I went on a tour of a soap factory last week. I forgot which one it was, but I'm sure it will Dawn on me."

"When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul."

"I just burped and fogged my glasses up. Line forms to the left ladies."

"I like my coffee how I like my life Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with."

"Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by."