911

Joke of the Day

"I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter."

"""Give it to me"" she screamed ""Give it to me I'm so fucking wet!"" But try as she might, she wasn't getting my umbrella."

"To all of the dyslexic population of Reddit: **UNTIE**"

"Chuck Norris doesn't say ""who's your daddy"", because he knows the answer."

"""I just figured the 'H' was broken on your sign"" Nope, this is what I sell here. Now how many Doug nuts do you want?"

"There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable..."

"According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate."

"I wish more religions took advantage of a vow of silence."

"What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older? Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:"

"In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period."