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Joke of the Day

"The cleaning people unplugged my radio and lost my settings, so I'm shooting fingernail clippings all over my office floor to punish them."

"You know how you'll see something a million times, but can't find it when you need it? That's why I stopped buying condoms."

"I gave up trying to learn geometry just couldn't see the point."

"My son asked me to pass him the salt So I gave him a soap bar."

"Nothing brings a family closer at graduation than a flask."

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"If your uncle Jack was stuck on a roof... Would you help your uncle Jack off?"

"Today I decided to burn a lot of calories... So I lit a fat kid on fire!!!"

"What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!"

"I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone"