150501

Joke of the Day

"Judge: You're out of order! Lawyer: This whole court room is out of order! *I burst in* Me: THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY IS OUT OF ORDER"

"Pinocchio When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood? when his hand caught fire!!"

"Why don't chicken coops have four doors? They would be chicken sedans"

"Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says ""No, we are not there yet!"" every 30 seconds."

"I was standing in a playground wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.. ..... Then it hit me."

"I was told I was addicted to cocaine, but I can assure you I am definitely not. I just love the way it smells."

"I ejaculated in my girlfriend's face. She never saw it coming. She's blind."

"Put a load into the dryer and had to twist every dial to correct setting. I won't lie to you: it made me feel like a Space Captain"

"-I'm just gonna have 1 drink before dinner -I'm just gonna have 1 drink with dinner -I'm just gnna hav 1 aftdinr drk -I pishd ma pnts gen"

"What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity? ""Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."""