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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the guy whose toilet flushes with hot water? He thinks he's real hot shit."
Next Joke
"Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full? He is so misunderstood."
"""You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself"" ~ 5th Amendment, understood by nobody onTwitter."
"5: let's play the quiet game. Me: Okay 5: ready..? Start. Me: 5: Me: 5: whoever talks first is the loser."
"I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom."
"What's Tinkerbell's favorite drink during ""that time of the month?"" A Bloody Fairy. Sorry everybody."
"What did Jesus say after he was resurrected? Nailed it"
"Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag."
"The police came to my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. The fuck they are, I said. My dogs don't even have bikes."
"If you're such a powerful warlock, why do you have diabetes."