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Joke of the Day

"Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag."

"I was playing Battleship with my tumor... I won though, my last hit was B9."

"This is Eric's wife. He accidentally left the house without his phone. TELL ME EVERYTHING."

"What do you call a theft by a stumbling person? A lumberjack."

"What did the lesbian lumberjill say to her girlfriend? Have I got an ax to grind with you."

"What's the difference between George Michael and Carrie Fisher? Two days."

"My penis tingles when I'm in danger. Wait, nevermind; she said danger was her middle name."

"What does Mexican binary code consist of? Zeros and Juans."

"What do you call ten Frenchmen who stand in front of their goalie for 90 minutes? Dix."

"The awkward moment when you've already said ""what?"" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree."