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Joke of the Day
"What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car? ""Robin, get in the car."""
Next Joke
"[Calls boss] I won't be in today ""Why not?"" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits."
"How do lesbians keep things interesting in the bedroom? They think outside the box."
"I don't like progeria jokes. They get old fast."
"Yeah, but I thought the whole point of twitter was to be stalked.nnThe word 'follower' should be evidence of that"
"The great English actor Colin Firth walks into a bar. Who walks in after him? Colin Thecond"
"What's the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet"
"How does a nice guy change a light bulb? He doesn't. He just compliments it and then gets pissed when it won't screw."
"I asked my co-worker if she liked Adele.. Co-worker: No, I haven't listened to any of her music actually. Me: Oh! Then you must be rolling in the deep!"
"What should you always ask after someone says ""I'd fuck her, but only with a bag on her head""? Paper or plastic?"