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Joke of the Day

"I love breakdancing. I don't do it... Or watch it, even. I just like it because it allows be to sell cardboard to rich white kids."

"I thought my son would be glad and appreciate that I got him a trampoline But nooo, all he does is sit and cry in his wheelchair all day"

"After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F."

"Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes."

"LPT: If you're in public and you need to fart Don't hold it in, because it'll go to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away."

"Since I'm wearing a white top, I'm going to go ahead and eat this meatball hoagie while I drive."

"Today I popped a G string while fingering a minor. I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow."

"My girlfriend tricked me into not having sex tonight... Talk about a missed erection. It's best if you read it out loud."

"What do you call Asian quadruplets? 4chan"