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Joke of the Day

"What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies."

"why was the blonde staring at the light bulb for long hours with her mouth open? because the doctor advised her to ""eat light"""

"Pennywise the clown to Ronald ""you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."" Ronald McDonald: ""I've killed more people than you."""

"Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn't like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes."

"Every time I see a skidmark in my underwear... I'm confronted with the fact that I shit my pants JUST A LITTLE BIT every day."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather Not screaming in terror like his passengers"

"My boss wants to take me to lunch... I ask him, ""Where do you want to go? Are burgers cool?"" He said, ""I'll eat pretty much anything, except for fish."" I reply, ""Your poor wife"""

"What does oral sex and being in the mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit."

"[1st Day after wildebeests take over] I'm safe in my house [Day 7] Thought I heard clattering [Day 21] THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES"

"I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added ""Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer"" In my prayers"