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Joke of the Day

"What's the point of having nice tits if you're going to cover them up? Stop being so fucking greedy and unbutton your shirt like I do."

"Dogs have 10 expressions for ""I love you! I love you!"" and cats have 10 for ""I hope you die slowly in a fire but feed me dinner first."""

"Billions of years from now, Star Jones will expand and collapse in a brilliant explosion of cosmic matter and become Black Hole Jones."

"Dad: ""Go to your room now!"" Child: *storms off* ""Jim Morrison was overrated!"" Dad: ""What did I tell you about slamming the Doors?!"""

"My ex called me a peadophile... Pretty big word for a 6 year old. Edit for all the nazis: paedophile... Common typo and not the worst in the world imo"

"Fun fact: if you say ""I did the math,"" nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves."

"My corduroy pillow has been making headlines all week."

"I gave my girl an orgasm and she spat it right back in my face"

"A pirate is never late.... (x-post from Funny) A pirate is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Although admittedly drunk, on fire and uninvited."

"A man sits next to a beautiful professional looking woman on an airplane. Lol i just got it pretty funny :-)"