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Joke of the Day

"Billions of years from now, Star Jones will expand and collapse in a brilliant explosion of cosmic matter and become Black Hole Jones."

"Just found out I have a tumor in my ladyparts... It's one of those that can be known to have hair, teeth and bone in it. I don't what I should do. I'll probably just get an abortion though."

"ELI5: What does ELI5 mean?"

"To the fat people who get offended when someone makes a fat joke, I have two words for you: Lighten up."

"What is the worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's? It never happens just once."

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great service but no atmosphere."

"I met a girl with 12 nipples once... Sounds funny Dozen tit"

"[At Vision Center] Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: I'd like to be able to see all of them. That's why I'm here."

"'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'"

"Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week. I won every single event. Every. Single. Event."