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Joke of the Day

"My ex called me a peadophile... Pretty big word for a 6 year old. Edit for all the nazis: paedophile... Common typo and not the worst in the world imo"

"How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore? You tell her that her smile is contagious."

"Marriage counselor to new patients: Before discussing a couples differences, I first like to hear what they have in common. Husband: Fine. We both hate to suck cock."

"My wife broke her SatNav and wants $150 for a new one. She can get lost."

"What do you call a crappy joke on /r/Jokes? sub-standard."

"Goal weight: ""are you ok, you look sick"""

"What do you call the second-most hated politician in America? Madam President."

"My girlfriend always likes to pretend to be 14 when we have sex... I don't know why, she'll be 14 in a couple years anyway."

"Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: So who wants to know? Why do *you* want to know? Are you a cop?"

"[camera cuts to me in crowd at NFL game holding a giant sign that says ""I CAN'T BELIEVE THE HOT DOGS ARE 8 DOLLARS""]"